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Feb182009
The Red Coloured Blues
When I wrote a short post based on a real life incident about customs involving Indian women, there was almost a furor. But do you ever comprehend how humiliated we women feel at such instances ? When directly or indirectly we are constantly reminded of our gender?
I will narrate an incident here which is not so uncommon and still happens in this 21st century in many Hindu households across India. It happens in other religions as well but it is fairly common among Hindus.
It was during my college days. One of my friends had a wedding in her family and had left for Chennai to be a part of it. I was to attend a seminar in the same city two days after the wedding date. And so I was invited to stay at her place and also to attend the wedding.
Once there, I was treated at par with my friend and other family members. The house was also full of guests. We had gala of time.. .. viewing wedding shoppings, discussing and enjoying various aspects of an arranged marriage. I felt at home, it was a good decision to stay with them.
Then the lightening struck. Suddenly I realized my periods had started. I had no arrangements with me. It had come a week before time. Sometimes it happens; they come without prior notice. I asked my friend if she had any sanitary napkin handy. Fortunately she had. She gave me. But she also did one more important thing.
She informed her mother and immediately I was in for a rude shock.
Within two minutes the whole family and the guests were warned about it as if I had committed a horrific crime or acquired a contagious disease. I was instructed not to touch anything or anyone and was ushered to a steel chair in a remote corner of a small room to sit. The room was very small (not more than 6X6), without a window and without any furniture. One extremely small toilet was attached to it.
Water was given in a plastic bottle which was to be thrown later. There was a separate plate especially kept for these times. I was supposed to eat in that and wash it for next use. I could not go, eat or mingle with others. Whoever brought me food, literally ‘threw’ it at my plate from a distance of at least one foot, lest some untouchability current would pass through it to them.
Have you seen a dog given food in his plate? It was worse than that. Even pets get a pat while having food.
I was also made to remove every single piece of cloth including the bed sheets from the bed where I was sitting till then. They had all become impure. Also all who had touched me at that time, took bath to purify (!) themselves.
The wedding happened, and as expected I was not allowed to enjoy it. They obliged me by giving an option to go there and sit in a secluded corner without touching anyone.
I preferred to be home.
While I could read books, touch any plastic things (my guess is that since they were invented after these rules were laid centuries ago, there is no proper guidelines on touchability for these items), I was made to sleep on a mat on the floor. I could not touch metal and clothes as they are good conductors of this untouchability.
After three days I was supposed to shampoo my hair, scrub myself thoroughly. There is no escape from this even if you have a fever of 102 degrees. I also had to wash all my accumulated clothes and those bed sheets which had become impure by my touch.
Coming from a family where there was no discrimination between a boy or a girl, where in spite of being Brahmins; Muslims and Christians were equally welcome and fed in the same plates, where for a girl having menstruation was a normal healthy way of life, it was the rudest shock for me.
I was scared, shocked and angry to see this side of life. Was my body going through the natural cycles to cause harm to society?
I wondered when Mahatma Gandhi fought for apartheid, why didn’t he raise his voice against this. Sati Pratha, child marriages, devdasi.. .. all which I thought were extinct had become harsh realities of this 21st century.
It was the same house that had celebrated my friend’s onset of menstruation, her entry into womanhood. Ladies from neighbourhood were invited, a function was held and she was congratulated and gifted many expensive items. When it was a matter of celebration how could anyone be punished every single month of her life for as simple as a physical phenomenon of a human body? I simply fail to comprehend.
Later the same year I came to know of a Gujarati family who forced her newly-wedded daughter-in-law to live in a very small dingy room across their courtyard near cattle during her periods.
Even though experienced by as much as almost half a billion people in India, menstruation is a topic that is rarely talked about. It remains within the confines of one’s home and only between members of the gender experiencing it. Girls are sufferers but not allowed to voice their opinions. Most of the males in our society either do not know much about it or think (made to think) it is a women’s thing and they should not interfere or give their opinions.
The result is that we follow something that was designed centuries ago, probably for the welfare of women but just not feasible in today’s world. In earlier days it would have meant to give ‘rest’ to women during period days or probably she was forced to take ‘rest’ from all exhausting household chores.
But the question is why we, both men & women, can not question the century old practices which has changed its face ? Why we think that whatever our elders are doing is always correct ? Why can’t males oppose the manner in which their wives or sisters are being treated ? Rest ? I defy.
Every month we women experience weakness, stomach upset, cramps and other symptoms because of blood loss and of course, sometimes we grumble about having to go through the inconvenience of it all. And we definitely would like to have some rest.. .. both physical and mental.
But at the end of the day, it is my body, my pains, my feelings and the decision of how I need my rest, should be with me and not with any other.
And I refuse to be ashamed of the way nature made me especially when I have been endowed with the ability to procreate because of it. Whether I choose to have babies is an entirely different issue but I cannot comprehend the public shame factor attached to a natural bodily process.
The views expressed in this post are those of the writer and are not necessarily endorsed by Mutiny.in
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almostinfamous
001
11:17 pm
i like your post title
the topic itself is a bit of a clue as to how little the general populace have been ‘modernized’ - i have spent quite a few days fruitlessly arguing about why this temporary untouchability is ridiculous in this day and age(and indeed ever) among many others with my grandparents and uncles&aunts on both sides of the family.
i am not one to blindly advocate education, but i think that in this one case, it might be very helpful.
Cuckoo
002
11:49 pm
Almostinfamous,
Thank you for the title.
It is high time we question these rituals which we follow blindly. The elders normally don’t have a satisfying answer and we end up doing what they ask us to, for the sake of their faith & feelings.
Ananth
003
12:49 am
I agree with sentiments of your article.
But, I am baffled why you followed what your friend’s mom suggested. I am not saying that you create a scene at your friend’s wedding, but you could have simply refused what they were asking you. I would have walked out if they still persisted.
As M.K. Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see”
Cuckoo
004
1:07 am
Ananth,
I knew sooner or later, this question was going to come.
It is very easy to say to walk out. I was not ’suggested’ but asked to do so. And it was so sudden in late evening that I, surrounded by so many hawk-eyed ladies, could not think of anything.
Don’t we Indians teach our daughters to be adjustive, to respect the rules of the host family, to do what our elders tell us ?
The Modern Mullah
005
3:46 am
Who asked you to meekly acquiesce to their requests? You should have left your friends wedding immediately. Did you really have to make a religious distinction here? Most social customs like this are common to all religions in India. I am assuming that this another attempt by Mutiny to malign Hindus.
The Modern Mullah
006
3:59 am
Although I don’t waste my time doing research to counter mutiny’s uneducated bloggers, decided to see if this author had truly made a valid point against Hindus. Once again I discovered that bias against women who are menstruating is not universal among all ancient civilizations. Check:
http://science.jrank.org/pages/11546/Untouchability-Menstrual-Taboos-Menstruation-Civilization.html
The Modern Mullah
007
4:00 am
Meant “Once again I discovered that bias against women who are menstruating is common among all ancient civilizations. Check:
http://science.jrank.org/pages/11546/Untouchability-Menstrual-Taboos-Menstruation-Civilization.html“
Cuckoo
008
9:30 am
The Modern Mullah,
Please don’t try to malign the words. I am copying the sentence I have written for your ready reference. “It happens in other religions as well but it is fairly common among Hindus.”
I am a Hindu and have experienced and know of many Hindu families where it is still in practice. However, for other religions, I have only heard or read and so my statement.
Footnote- Hope you are aware of footnote of the posts which clearly says that the views expressed are of the authors. Don’t drag Mutiny here. Hope this clears your doubts.
Ajeya Rao
009
9:36 am
Cuckoo - Very well written. I am going to repeate the same that we have to make people understand that certain customs are very misunderstood by people today and may be only valid for the olden days for certain reasons. Well i come from a house where these practices are very relaxed, not just my house but most of the relatives do not practices it in strict manner as you have experienced in the friends place. Well how far you could change the rules of their house is questionable but i really wish that you had options to move out of the house.
borneveryday
010
2:06 pm
Cuckoo,
Great post. Mainly for the fact that even women shy away from writing about their periods. I believe this kind of untouchability is as bad as societal/racial untouchabilty. Rather its more worse than that.
But the problem lies with women as well, they are willing to become a untouchable during “those days”. There is a practise among hindus that women cant enter temples during their period’s, and am agaisnt it. If women do become impure during those days then god “WOULD NOT HAVE” added that cycle into a womens body. I really do believe that women should go to temples even on these days if they can.
Animesh
011
6:27 pm
Great post Cuckoo. Much needed.
As a person of the “other gender”, I have always felt weird when my mom would not enter the pooja room on “certain days”, and would ask one of us to light the daily diya. [I think she has since abandoned this retro habit]
Regarding “Why can’t males oppose the manner in which their wives or sisters are being treated ?” - point taken. I, for one, will make sure I make my voice heard whenever I see discrimination based on whether or one’s body is re-setting to prepare for potentially hosting a new life.
Thanks once again for the post.
Natarajan
012
7:11 pm
Very good post as some people have already said…
I remember families of my relatives enforcing a similar isolation of Womenfolk, but thankfully for the last 1-2 years, I think they have abandoned it…
zach
013
8:54 pm
i have an out of topic comment
“Even though experienced by as much as almost half a billion people in India…”
almost half? much less than that… sex ratio is very skewed in India
plz dont reply back… just an off topic comment…
Standtall - The Activist
014
10:36 pm
These practises ought to have being expunged in this age and time.
Tanuj Lakhina
015
2:27 am
A fabulous post.And loved the title as well.
Frankly I’ve never seen or been in a situation where taboos related to the periods are mentioned but then again maybe being a male guy am kept away from knowing it,like you mentioned its confined to only women.Which is absolutely wrong.
I also wanted to ask you why did you continue staying there and not leave,which you already answered.Another point which I don’t think anyone mentioned was your friend not standing up for you,which probably would have made things different for you and not made to feel like an untouchable.
I already follow the path of discussing such women issues,although its only with my gf and no one else.Hope that changes in the future and the Indian society can be more open.
Fabulous post once again.
Ananth
016
5:14 am
I’m sorry this happened to you.
But, if a blogger on mutiny (obviously educated and smart) cannot stand-up to a situation like this….I can’t imagine what an average Indian women would be doing..we have ways to go…
Uday Kulal
017
11:09 am
Dear Cuckoo
Wonderful Blog!!
I am happy that being a women you have come open to discuss this issue in Mutiny
Being a part of women oriented family (Five sisters, and me), I can understand each any every word you expresed.
As some one said earlier ” I will make sure I make my voice heard whenever I see discrimination based on whether or one’s body is re-setting to prepare for potentially hosting a new life”.
Uday
nilima
018
11:29 am
Great post!
The only way we could do anything about it ,is not to let it happen in our homes and to voice our dissatisfaction wherever we see it happening around us.
nilima.
Anbusivam
019
7:24 pm
Dear Cuckoo,
Nice post, with deep concerns towards the humiliation faced by many of our women even now in this century. I can think of your situation where you were caught between your conscience and your friends family. I think its very easy for others from outside to point finger and ask..Why didn’t you protest..? Why didn’t you walk out..?..etc. I’ve exactly raised the same question in my family many years ago. Once there was a grand celebration when my sister entered womanhood and soon after a month same little girl was totally cornered for none of her fault. That was ridiculous….and indeed I had big fights with my parents on this issue. As you rightly said….we men should be at least sensitive to such issues in the household. I sincerely believe proper sex education and awareness among the children is way to solve these issues in the future generations at least.
Excellent post…..All the Best.
- Anbusivam
"The Voice"
020
8:13 pm
Cuckoo..
Being a guy, I still hated this useless custom of net letting women touch or enter prayer halls while they are having periods.
My reading and analysis tells me that In ancient time , when this “tradition” took a root in society there were not enough sanitation options available as It is available now. So may be in that time it was the only way .
But come on , it is absurd in today’s time.
But question is, how many women themselves are ready to fight against it ?
Will you stand up for your daughters when they are going through the same ?
Will you claim their equal rights as sons when they go through same situations ?
If answer is “YES”, well , then in that case transformation of society is possible. and if answer is “NO”, what’ the point of raising the point if you are not going to fight for it. ?
the MM
021
10:57 pm
@Cuckoo,
Good, as long as you are sticking to India and not trying to bash Hindus, your post is nice to read. Admitted this is a problem with our society.
Miss
022
8:37 pm
Hey!!
Good Post… came across this post while i was searching on Google more info on Menstrual Tabboo.. & why was i searching tht… hmmm well i suffer the same untouchability every month… but the place i have been born n brought in i had never evenheard of this… its post marriage tht i entered a house with such practices… my husband makes all efforts to keep this untouchability away & says its jus tht the elders believe in them but he does not care bout them!!
this untouchability is told by ancestors tht if u dont follow then u r disrespecting God…
u can not enter temple for those 4 days & if u enter then God will be unhappy with u & something bad will happen to you…
etc… etc… etc…
but I am struggling to find answers to questions like… if i follow this custom only in front of my elders so tht they are happy & otherwise live my life independently away from such customs am i really offending God…
after all i am a god fearing person… we all are…
can anyone answer….
A. P. Rao
023
2:52 pm
I personally feel that we have to respect the feelings of our elders. I had an experience when one of the family member has expressed that she cannot do pooja during periods or enter temple even though she doesn’t believe in remaining as untouchable during periods nor she follows these rules in her house. Many of those who are not practising it in their houses are also not prepared to do pooja or go temples etc., during periods as they feel ii in their hears that they are not pure during the peroids.
A. P. Rao