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Oct172008
The Dream Job
If you are an undecided youth who is still searching for his dream job, you have come to the right place. Here we profile some of the coolest and highest paying state specific jobs in the country. Depending on which state you want to settle down in, you can look up the corresponding dream job in the table below:-
Bihar
Kidnapper – This is the highest paying job in the country presently and if the conditions present a few years back prevail again, this will rank high among the safest jobs also. In case you are put in jail, you can run your business from inside the jail. This facility is made available by politicians and Bihar police to help in attracting investment in this industry.
West Bengal
Labour Union Member – There is no need to work. Whenever you are in need of money, you can go on a strike and ask your company bosses to pay you. And if the company shuts down, you can break and set fire to two or three government vehicles and then ask the government to pay your expenses.
Tamil Nadu
Film Actor – You just need to be fat, have a huge moustache and look sun burnt to make it big in the industry. You will have the hottest females in the entire country featuring opposite you. The rest of the job will be done by the director who will put gravity defying stunts in your role which will make the janta go mad in the cinema theatres.
Delhi
Bus Driver – Everyone will be afraid of you. In fact, you can collect tax from people for their safety on road.In case somebody doesn’t obilige; you can run over him with your bus. The side effects will be a small newsarticle in the next day’s paper which will claim “One more killed by Blueline buses” and you will have to search for a new job. Although this might hurt your chances, it will be still worth a shot for you to search your new job in the field of driving only.
Maharashtra
Marathi teacher – You will have total control over who resides in Maharashtra and who is kicked out of the state. You can start charging double the normal rates from people who are not originally from Maharashtra. And yeah, all this along with a special award from Bal Thackrey for contributing in the progress of the nation.
Punjab
Immigration Officer – You can force people to pay hefty bribes for their passports. With almost every family in the state coming to you, you will often earn a six figure sum in a single month. And that six figure sum will come from the family’s earlier immigrated sons who are sending money from Canada.
Harayana
Jigolo – With male: female ratio projected to go up to 5:1 in favor of males in the coming years, this will be the most profitable business in the state. But there is a catch. This business opportunity will be availed by only those who have the early movers advantage. Another profitable move here will be to form gay rights NGO’s who will receive enormous grants from the citizens of the state. Considering the average rate at which NGO’s curb money, the founders can become rich very quickly
Karnataka
Lawyer – You can always argue that the neighbour’s daughter is lawfully your daughter-in-law since the water of the muncipality which she drinks passes through your house first before going to her house. In effect, you can say that the water which she is drinking is yours. The judge will be mighty pleased with your argument.
Chattisgarh
Police Inspector – You can call anybody a naxalite and throw him in jail. There will be nobody to question you except the naxalites with whom you can strike a deal. And you will be so much inside the remote forests that there will be no cause of worry from the side of the district authorities
Gujarat
Baba Ramdev – You will just need to wear orange colored clothes, grow long hair like rock stars (if possible dye them white), sit on an assan all day long and preach. Every time you preach,you can say the same thing with slight variations.Once you have preached, you will need to sit still with your eyes closed for half an hour. The people will automatically put all the things required for a living (such as food, money, clothes etc) at your feet.
Kerala
No job - You won’t have a job.But you surely will be a Bachelor of Science in two subjects.
Orissa
No job - You will neither have a job nor a degree. Welcome to the poverty line.
The views expressed in this post are those of the writer and are not necessarily endorsed by Mutiny.in
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sanjukta
001
5:00 pm
This is a good one..
almostinfamous
002
5:16 pm
is this a collection of stereotypes?
here’s one more
Uttar Pradesh: Plenty of new jobs being created to make Mayawati Statues
1conoclast
003
5:28 pm
anshul,
some funny ones here.
some are scathing, while some have been let off easier.
It’s spelt gigolo.
Not bad overall.
almostinfamous’ question is valid.
sunny
004
5:41 pm
I think u are pretty much behind ..
In Tamil Nadu, nowadays all actors are fit. Damn even the villans are fit.
You could be fat and be a hero in Kerala, but only the old fat heros stay on.
In Maharashtra, well the shiv sena is strong mainly in Mumbai and Nasik. If you take Maharashtra as a whole, things are different, how else do u think the Congress won
1conoclast
005
7:01 pm
sunny,
The Cong. came back to power in MH because the people saw that the SS was absolutely useless while it had been given power.
VJ
006
7:49 pm
Really funny!
contentious
007
8:25 pm
A lampoon, nice!
Jagdeep Singh
008
9:13 am
Best BLOG I have read till now 5 thumps up ! really refreshing on a Saturday Morning…
shhh...Now
009
10:31 am
sunny and almostinfamous have a point.
1con, ‘not bad over all? Glad you approve and acknowledge that someone else apart from you can write too.
And you HAD to lampoon Shiv Sena, even in comments, hadn’t you? Sudhro bhai!
Jagdeep Singh
010
10:39 am
Shhh… Now
1con does not know to talk about anything other than communal violence…
every where there is mention of SS or BD or Terrorism… dude you are living a terrible life…man… 
give your self a break … it must be hard being like that!
No hard feeling man…. just a joke!
Roshan
011
2:44 pm
Ha ha, hilarious. Love it all, particularly the anti-climatic end.
CheGu
012
4:58 pm
hi ppl , I would like to mention one more state, where you can find all above dream jobs in a single state
the state where you can select wat ever profession you wish, with much benifits compare to other states
If you are actor, you can become a politician too. you can join in least one political party .
If you choose kidnapping, there are big IT compaines…so, imagine the pofit. if you are caugth, not to worry ( any ordinary person in India will not worry if they know about Indian policing authorities)
there are plenty of opurtunities
if you choose police inspector—besides encounters, giving permissions for wine shops in rural areas, and many more … you can settle the real estate issues in cities( real estate is going great here) it is not in thousands or lacks… it would be in crores !! beleive me
For Imigration officer aspirants here is one good news——- recently United Sates, opened a consulate center — good news right
there are some ever green professions like… lawyer, govt teacher and lecturers, babas and many more
this is destination for all dream jobs —from call center to job to contractor if you got selected for any union service commission’s administrative job , this state would be a perfect destination to land ( you can earn crores as commisions) .. no one will question you if you are in higher positions
after considering above and studying above take a quick decission to land at ………………
Incredible ANDHRA PRADESH land of dream jobs and oppurtunities…
IS ANY ONE THERE TO BEAT THIS STATE??????????
1conoclast
013
2:22 pm
shhh…Now,
Sudharne ki aapko zaroorat hai. Agar aap sach nahi dekh sakte, nahi bol sakte, toh aap insaniyat se apna muh pher rahe hain. Insaan baniye.
Jagdeep,
The above applies to you too. Anyway, nothing you say affects me, so it’s OK.
Shhh....Now
014
3:23 pm
1con, u never fail to live up to my expectations. chalo sudhar gaye, dost!
Now, I love you. totally, madly, deeply…like a sangh parivarik would love his holy cow.
er…can we have a sneak peek of the famed Greek god looks at least now?
1conoclast
015
4:58 pm
shhh….
Trailblazer
016
5:43 pm
Well penned
aditya
017
2:12 pm
hehe…here’s another one
karnataka
auto rickshaw driver - collect exorbitant amounts for the smallest of distances. print out fake copies of local travel rates and act official. now comes with the added privelege of collecting fines if you see anyone smoking.
sameer
018
5:32 pm
i am sameer jigolo 18/m